I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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