She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
