the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
