So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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