Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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