is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
