Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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