I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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