I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
