xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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