I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
