I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
