I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Alive.
So much puke
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
