I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
