If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
