You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Randomize
