I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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