Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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