one two three fourrrrnication!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
