I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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