Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
