How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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