I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
