Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
