im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
