he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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