You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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