Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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