Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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