Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
