If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize