he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
