dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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