I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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