I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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