just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
