Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
FUCK WHALES
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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