My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
