Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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