My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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