I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
