So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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