LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
