Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
