the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
