I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
