found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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