i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
