her vagine was all disorganized.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
