Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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