better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
