It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
