I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
