Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
