She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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