I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
