Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
