apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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