Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
