There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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