I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
