i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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