there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
