Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
