I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
